Back several years ago, I owned a coffee shop in downtown Cedar Rapids. I had taken a risk in 2011 to step away from a banking career, steady salary, match on a 401k, benefits and comfort. All of these comforts came with a sacrifice-purpose.
I wasn’t living my life filled with purpose, intention, connection, or meaning. I was simply checking a box, and over time, it started to eat away at me.
My husband and I had our first child, and he was 6 months old when I took what little investment I had saved, put in my notice, and started taking the dream of owning a coffee shop seriously. It’s worth mentioning here, a few things:
1) I didn’t like coffee. I loved what energy coffee shops created. Things happened there, special news was shared, ideas born. Safe space for conversation and connection.
2) I didn’t have a rich uncle who could lend me money. I scraped enough together to make it work, relied on some trusted relationships in my banking career circle, doubled down on my resources, asked for help and made sacrifices at home to make it work.
The next 9 years of owning the coffee shop were filled with highs and lows. Peaks and valleys that I’ll save for another day of writing. Today, I want to unpack the challenges we sometimes face when we need to dig into our courage, go with our gut, to take action even when we know it’s going to be hard and come with pain.
Nothing we want is upstream.
In late 2018, early 2019, I was feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and lackluster. We had our second son by this time, and I was feeling like I couldn’t be the person I so desperately wanted to be, and have the business I had created too.
I had recently taken my real estate test, and was trying to make financial ends meet by selling commercial real estate on the side. I had hired day to day management at the coffee shop, I was trying to do it all. Be it all. Sacrificing myself in the process.
I felt like I was swimming upstream every day. The current is taking me down, while I’m gasping for air to breathe, and fear of the unknown is going to swallow me whole.
In January 2020, I had made the decision to close the doors on the coffee shop. March 6th would be the last day we would be open. There was a small sense of relief, it’s going to be done. The bandaid has been applied to stop the bleeding. But the weeks leading up to the last day were terrifying. My ego swooped in and riddled me with questions:
1) Who are you and what are you going to do now?
2) How are you going to pay your existing debt to the bank?
3) You are letting people down
4) You just aren’t good enough. You didn’t do enough, this is your fault.
I had hit rock bottom. I was empty inside, and no one knew about it but me. I had, and I was, holding all of this for fear that my soul would be choked by my ego. But it already was.
On the last day, March 6th of 2020, there was an incredible showing of people and stories shared with me. Many of our regulars told stories of why they came, what they will miss, news that they had shared inside the 4 walls, and connections that had been made. I walked away that evening filled with a restored heart that somehow knew, you are going to be okay.
The coffee shop may be closing, but you, you are still alive. You have to relight that spark.
Over the course of the next couple months, the world had shut down. Covid-19 had made its way into the country, and everyone was sheltering in place, working from home, homeschooling their kids, and time seemed to stand still. What a blessing for me.
You know what you want, when you know what you don’t want.
As I had the time and space to make room for asking,
What is it that is meaningful and valuable to me?
What does success look and feel like for me?
What are my gifts?
What am I truly good at and fill my cup?
I was approached by several people asking, Would you be able to mentor me? Could you be a sounding board for me as I’m thinking of transitioning jobs? Would you be willing to hold me accountable?
At the same time, a recent friend, Lindsay, had started a coaching and consulting practice and we had been taking frequent walks in the midst of the pandemic. One day in mid April, it came out of nowhere, “I think I want to join you as a coach in your practice”….Wait. What? What had my mouth just said? Do I even know what I’m doing?….My heart for the first time in a long time was leading the way. It knew what I wanted, because it knew what I didn’t.
I allowed my soul to reconnect to a part of it that had been lost. I regained consciousness to allow for a healthy relationship with my ego.
I got back on the path to purpose, and suddenly I felt like I could breathe again.
The courage to take action is often disguised as fear of the unknown.
When we can make time and space for connecting to our soul, slowing down just a beat to listen to what our inner wisdom has to say, often the next right thing reveals itself. The courage to take action seems clear, the confidence to step into what is calling you.
Written by: Brooke Fitzgerald, Energy Builder with The Restoration Project
